Penelope Cruz shows Burgundy bottles, but likes Cabernet.

I was looking at the prostitute and thinking about a wine from Stellenbosch. Okay, the aforementioned was not a real slut. It was just Penelope Cruz playing one. One called Anna in Woody Allen’s masterly new movie To Rome with Love. Halfway through watching Cruz-Anna’s pouting…bending…seducing…stroking and my mouth was dry as a Keimoes pot-plant, my rampant heartbeat disturbing the chick with the hearing-aid sitting next to me.

A skilled, classic acting technique with Pinteresque comic timing tends to do this to us artists.

 

The Bilton Wines sales team about to drop off some Viognier 2008.

Yes we can. Viognier, South African that is, is deliciously drinkable. But then again, whoever said it wasnΓÇÖt?

Like Merlot, Viognier has been victim of the shallow throwaway line: ΓÇ£We canΓÇÖt make that in South Africa.ΓÇ¥ Said thrower then goes on to pontificate about ΓÇ£excessive greennessΓÇ¥, a perceived hiccup in MerlotΓÇÖs ripening procedure under South African conditions. Really? So how, pray, is the country making such sterling Bordeaux-style blends if the Merlot is deemed to be so tart?

The spate of Cold Fronts lashing the Western Cape over the past few weeks were only the precursor to the real storm set to take place this Friday when wineries Muratie Estate and DuToitskloof Winery square off in the first Boland Waterblommetjie Championship Cook-off. The ubiquitous waterblommetjie, a classic local ingredient used in preparing a traditional hearty stew, takes centre stage when a panel of esteemed judges line-up to decide who is the BolandΓÇÖs Waterblommetjie Champion.

Besides a plethora of industry bodies, the South African wine industry is awash with organisations representing ΓÇô or purporting to represent ΓÇô a specific wine made from one grape. There is a Pinotage Association, a Chardonnay Forum, Just Riesling, Sauvignon Blanc Interest Group, Pinot Noir Interest Group and even a Merlot Forum. To name but a few.

 

Divide and rule.

As if the South African industry were not already as divided as the butt-cheeks of a Polish discus thrower, certain politically correct souls are now targeting producers who dare sell wine at a price deemed by said pinkos as ΓÇ£exploitativeΓÇ¥.

Winemakers are set to become the next commercial celebrities. While Tokara cellarmaster Miles Mossop has been creating a stir – and a few swoons – with his heartfelt endorsement of Nescafé coffee in a current television commercial, local and international brands are clambering over each other for the acting talents and brooding physical presence so characteristic of South African winemakers.

The Swartland, Stellenbosch and Durbanville regions╬ô├╢┬╝Γö£├¡lead the way in this year’s Absa Top 10 Pinotage Competition, ╬ô├╢┬╝Γö£├¡with each region having three wines in the final 20.

Pinotages from Swartland Winery, Riebeek Cellars and Painted Wolf Wines are made from Swartland fruit, while the wines from Altydgedacht Estate, Diemersdal Estate and Durbanville Hills Winery establish the Durbanville regionΓÇÖs Pinotage credentials.

The Pinotage capital of Stellenbosch also sees three producers in the top 20: Simonsig, Delheim and Spier.

A band of terroirists. Annareth Bolton of the Stellenbosch Wine Routes, with two of her members who shone at the awards - Gary Jordan from Jordan and De Wet Viljoen from Neethlingshof.

 

It is definitely not the final word on recognising the role of terroir and terrain in the South African wine landscape, but the Novare SA Terroir Wine Awards is a doped-up Chinese swimmerΓÇÖs length in front of the rest. Started by the ebullient Marius Labuschagne some seven years ago, the Terroir Wine Awards recognises wines produced on demarcated pockets of South African terroir. Single vineyards. Estate. Ward. Or small district (districts not divided in wards.)

 

In a wine world exclusive, WineGoggle gets down with Keith Richards, the guy who plays a bit of guitar with a certain rock band.

WineGoggle: The Stones. Wow! 50 years. You kicked off your career in 1962, one of the great French wine vintages.

Keith Richards: Obviously at the time we were not aware of this – weren’t aware of anything, really. But since learning a bit about the stuff, I am proud of the connection. Just like Mick is – he’s the real wine ponce.

Well hello, look who just slipped into the Cape Winelands under the radar? If it isn’t our friendly genetic modifiers Monsanto.

In todayΓÇÖs Die Burger newspaper Monsanto advertises plans to test its genetically modified (GM) maize in Lutzville, one of the major vineyard regions of the West Coast. The advertisement calls for comment and/or suggestions, and letΓÇÖs hope that the local farmers ΓÇô led by wine industry bodies and local government ΓÇô will put in the necessary objections. Although an outright, assertive ban in gravelly the toned voice of Premier Helen Zille would be better.

I mean, why bring the process of testing for Frankenstein maize down to the damp Western Cape to begin with if Monsanto is looking for ways to make maize drought-resistant? Is the Western Cape being targeted for such experiments after being shut out of other provinces?

News of the industry allowing GM experiments in vineyard areas is the last thing the image of Wine Brand South needs right now, thank you very much.

The last time GM news hit the Cape Winelands, industry bodies joined forces in accepting this was part of agrictultural progress. This time around it would be wise for local minister of agriculture Gerrit van Rensburg and wine body Vinpro to let Monsanto know to shove their experiments in a place the sun don’t shine, not even if it is genetically modified to do so.

For a copy of the advertisement, buy Die Burger.